I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
