You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize