I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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