just come out here and I will go home with you...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
