K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
