He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
now i know why i became what i already was.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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