I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
