a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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