She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
