Already got asked if we're dating
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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