btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
