Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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