I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
