the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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