My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
last night I used snow as a chaser
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
