I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize