Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
