Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Never joke about your clitoris.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
