haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize