i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
that is very illegal...i love you.
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