i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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