Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
