look no pants
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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