I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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