Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
