maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
