mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Alive.
So much puke
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
