I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You are the jesus of drinking
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
