I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i believe in u and ur pee
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
