I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
