I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
