Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
