The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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