I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
