We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
