Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Sober January is a disaster.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize