You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize