How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
