Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize