Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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