then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
