he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
