He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
