We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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