I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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