This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
