I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
