we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
