Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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