: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
