Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
