Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My cat gives me a boner
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize