i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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