Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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