i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
