I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
