He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
