Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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