Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
