I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
