literally had 100 drinks last night.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
