you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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