There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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