I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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