I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
