I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
