a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
