Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
